Carpe Diem
by Strawberry-miow
Summary: A mistake” is wat he called it, “Never should have happened” wat happened between keladry of mindelan and Domitan of Masbolle that they r unwilling 2 talk about? Gotta face the truth sometime, no matter how unwilling u r to admit your feelings...plz
1. Prologue

DISCLAIMER: Don't own, so don't sue..please? I`ll be good! Honest!  
  
SUMMARY: "A mistake" is what he called it, "Never should have happened" what happened between keladry of mindelan and Domitan of Masbolle that they are unwilling to talk about? Why did he run and where is there to hide? Gotta face the truth sometime, no matter how unwilling you are to admit your feelings, sometimes there are people to do it for you..K/D!!!  
  
**Ok guys this is my first Tamora pierce fic ever so be nice and tell me what you think! Is it ok or should I pile it on the scrap heap with my old orange balloon? Hehe I value your opinions so..please read and review!!!! Enjoy..**  
  
~*~  
  
Carpe Dium.  
  
By Strawberry_miow (Jen)  
  
~*~  
  
Gentle morning sun brushed through the windows, dawn awakening with the lustrous golden rods hooking onto everything and making it shine like the purity of heaven itself. Silent songs not yet categorised swimming lovingly from the beaks of life as the birds twittered happily amongst themselves, a body stirred slightly next to kel`s and her eyes slowly flickered open, smile breaking out on her face.  
  
Dark hair dishevelled over that springtime complexion, porcelain over mocha wound with golden silk, blue eyes as deep as the ocean covered gently as sleep echoed around the commander in thick black waves, dark ink in an ocean of dreams. She laid and watched him for a while, usually she would have got up and practised some of her glaive moves, really wanting to perfect "the stalking tiger" for the next time she duelled with anyone, but she was comfortable right where she was, curled up beside Domitan of Masbolle with memories of the night before to occupy her thoughts, she was more than comfortable - besides, what would a few more minutes hurt? She grinned to herself as she snuggled against him, mind adrift in the wonderful ocean of him as last night played over and over in her mind..  
  
Do I love him? She asked herself, I shouldn't, I know that, I mean we are both part of the king's own it would be unprofessional..yet what happened last night already crossed that line.. I thought I loved Cleon, even after what happened..and what about Neal.I can't love him, I just can't - so then what was last night?  
  
She closed her eyes and the evening came back to her, one minute they had been talking, Dom doing the gentlemanly duty and walking her back to her room after training.she sighed, it had kind of all spiralled off from there..mouths.hands..forbidden fruit.she blushed slightly in remembrance, confusion fitting her like a cloak as she battled with her feelings over the duty she held and so far, much to her startling concern, her feelings were winning out..  
  
Early day murmurings from the body next to her brought her away from her own mind, she turned her eyes onto the dark haired commander and was slightly taken aback when she found those enchanting azure eyes staring coldly into her own.she smiled. He didn't.  
  
"Kel." Dom whispered, face steeled, engaged in a battle with himself he was determined to win, "I'm sorry."  
  
She gulped slightly at those words, almost foreseeing what was coming.  
  
"It was a mistake." yep, those where the words.she felt a deep numbing knawing in her stomach, eyes threatening to fill with tears she told herself she didn't want to cry, she slipped her yamani mask firmly in place, hoping that all the years of practice would pay off and he wouldn't see what he was doing to her.  
  
He sat up abruptly and looked straight into her eyes, "What we did..I did..you're only a lass Kel" he shook his head with a self-mocking smirk before getting up and getting dressed, she sat on the bed watching him, covering her modesty with the quilts as she struggled to keep a grip on her control, the yamani mask around her emotions slipping with each movement he made, the words playing over in her mind striking her again and again.  
  
"I.I'm sorry Kel." her head snapped up just in time to see him walking out of the door, slamming it behind him as she burst into tears. 


	2. Confrontations

~*~  
  
Confrontations  
  
By strawberry_miow  
  
~*~  
  
The weather was bitter cold that day, the tears sticking to her face like glue as she got up and got dressed, pulling on garment after garment of her usual attire with sorts of robotic stiffness, her mind was preoccupied in the sea of thoughts of one certain blue-eyed commander and she felt like she was drowning.  
  
Got what he wanted didn't he? She thought bitterly, Used me like some common court lady then threw me out afterwards. fresh tears began brewing behind her eyes and she cursed herself for being so weak, I can't believe I actually thought he loved me.cared for me at all.How stupid was I? He's just like all the others.  
  
She adjusted her breeches and walked into the bathroom adjoining, splashing cool water on her face to hopefully help her get a grip. She looked up and met her own gaze in the mirror, those dreamer eyes turned to ones of someone living their nightmare, red and puffy from all the unspilled tears.  
  
"Mithros, I'm a mess" she murmured to herself, scrubbing her eyes with a discarded towel and trying to get her yamani mask to fit back over her face, but it was sort of like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. not from lack of trying but from lack of will, too many raw emotions bubbled on the surface, number one, much to her distaste was pain.  
  
I trusted him.her mind warbled, I cared about him, maybe even loved him and look what he does to me.her memory brewed up whispers of his parting words that morning, What did he mean he shouldn't of? That I'm only a lass? It didn't bother him last night.  
  
She looked in the mirror once again, Am I that unattractive that no one wants me? She traced a shaky finger under her eyes and down her cheek, pushing her now shoulder length hair behind her ears with the other hand. Not like it matters.she laughed bitterly at her reflection, Who would want a warrior wife anyway?  
  
Kel sighed to herself as she stepped out of the bathroom, still struggling to get her mask firmly into place, the last thing she wanted was to have to answer questions about her mood and if she went down to the mess in the state she was no doubt she wouldn't have a choice.  
  
So, taking a few deep breaths she pushed all emotion to the back of her mind, making her face Yamani smooth as she opened her door and started the walk to breakfast.  
  
~*~  
  
The mess hall was packed as usual, all the new page's seated nervously at the tables, chomping away at their food like young animals scared by loud noises. Despite herself, a small smile tugged at her lips, she remembered when she had first came to Corus, she had been like them.once. Although her case had been a little different, being the only girl in a mass of boys, the isolation and such, quiet lunches with Neal while the others would stare at her in hope she would just disappear.  
  
Only now, she wished it too.  
  
Walking over to the breakfast queue, she grabbed a bowl of porridge and a glass of milk before walking over to her usual table with her friends.  
  
"Good Morning Lady Knight" Nealan of Queenscove chirped as she slid into the seat opposite him, it seemed her morning sunshine routine had rubbed off on him a little. Any other day she would have been glad. Any other day but this one.  
  
"What's good about it?" she mumbled to herself, taking the honey pot and swirling a few spoonfuls carelessly onto her porridge. As she scooped the first taste into her mouth her friends turned to look at her, passing looks between one another at the same time.  
  
"Err.Kel?" Neal asked uncomfortably, "Is.is something wrong?" the others seemed to share his view openly. Maybe a little too openly.  
  
"Yeah, I mean, you're less.chirpy this morning" that was Merric, obviously trying to choose his words carefully.  
  
"Usually you're the one telling us the morning is great, we're usually the ones annoyed at your mood" Owen, on the other hand, wasn't so careful and received a cold stare from Kel, " I.I mean." he tried to correct it, luckily Neal saved him.  
  
"Kel, we know something's wrong.tell us, don't make me force it out of you"  
  
"I'm fine. Nothings wrong" she replied automatically, her friend raised a sceptical brow, "Really, I am. I just.. Didn't get much sleep last night" well, it was partly true, only this time it didn't cheer her up in the slightest.if anything, that thought dampened her mood even more.  
  
Lucky for her friends the lady knight didn't see the grins they exchanged, or the suspicious raising of their brows, really lucky for them she didn't hear the mumbled comment, "Pay up, I won the bet"  
  
Unlucky for her though, a certain blue-eyed commander walked through the doors the very minute she looked up. Their eyes seemed to automatically lock on one another's and the temperature in the room dropped a few notches.  
  
Kel tore her eyes away as she noticed him walking towards her, standing up swiftly without a word to her friends she began walking towards the kitchen workers to discard her tray and dishes.  
  
Dom followed her.  
  
"Kel." he began, his tone somewhat pleading as she handed over her plates and spun around.  
  
"No"  
  
She began walking across the room to the exit, the commander in tow, "Kel, please." he murmured, his voice slightly strained, "Just listen to me."  
  
She ignored the tears pricking the back of her eyes and busied herself keeping sure her mask was firmly in place, she walked straight past her friends table ignoring their confused and slightly worried looks, "No"  
  
Dom took a deep breath, impatience gathering in him slightly as he desperately tried to get her to listen, without thinking he took hold of her shoulders and turned her to look at him, his eyes intense on hers, "Kel, please, just let me say this, just hear me out. I need to try and make you understand-"  
  
"Oh I understand fine thank you, it was pretty clear this morning, you said so yourself" she spat back bitterly, cutting him off mid-sentence. She had a thousand things she would prefer to do than have this little talk with him, Mithros, she'd even prefer punishment duty than this.  
  
"Kel, I'm sorry-"  
  
"Keep saying that and maybe one time I`ll believe it" she retorted calmly, her voice level despite the knot that seemed to be growing in her stomach, "I'm not some sort of court lady you can use then lose Dom, I thought you cared for me, I thought you were my friend."  
  
"But-"  
  
"No. You don't get to speak, I really don't need this right now ok? Just.Just stay away from me" she broke out of his grip and made a hasty exit from the room, eyes filling over as she walked as fast as she could back to her room. She wasn't feeling very hungry anymore.  
  
Dom, on the other hand, stood in the mess hall slightly speechless, staring aimlessly at the door the lady knight had stormed out of moments before. After a while he shook his head, ridding his mind of all those thoughts that seemed to have congregated there, he turned around noticing a few of the new page's and the squire`s watching him. There was no doubt as to them hearing.  
  
He growled low in his throat, "Back to your duties!" he ordered them before leaving the room in just as much of a rush as Kel had.  
  
He had to make her understand. 


End file.
